Posts Tagged ‘School’

In the honour of one of my friends from back home(one of the guys attending Swansea University now), who is participating in campaigns against bullying, I will tell you my story.

WARNING! THIS WILL BE A VERY, VERY LONG TEXT, AND IT’LL PROBABLY BORE YOU ALL!!
(I ended up taking a trip down memory lane o_O)

I’ve always been a chubby girl. Fat, even. Specially now. But when I was younger, it was more determining, the status of you BMI that is. It’s not like they calculated my BMI, we were only kids, but it’s more prominent when we’re younger. The others hadn’t developed a pattern of eating-habits, and couldn’t really determine how I was wrong. But I was different, I stood out, and that was enough. For the first 6-7 years of my life, this wasn’t a problem, but fall/winter 1998, my mum and I moved. Here they noticed. I can’t remember exactly how it all started, I think it was a gradual process. They wanted to give me a chance, but they didn’t know how. And I was alone and new, so how could I reach out for them? I remember being scared. But I also remember being a tomboy. At my previous school, I’d hung out with girls as well as boys, with the girls I played “husband, wife and child” and with the boys I did all the “action hero” stuff and got into fights. At my first school, an older student had tried bullying me, but I’d jumped up on some box, grabbed his ear and twisted it around until he apologized and left me alone. I had my friends there. At the new school, I had no one to support me. So when the older students started to notice the new, fat girl, I didn’t have the courage to do the same. All I could do was run, or stay silent. Both the villages I’d lived in were quite small and rural, but the first was a little more “developed” and “urban” than the other. Thinking back now, I realise that this was probably of quite the importance to what was to come.

Not only did I come from another village, with slightly different language habits and dialect, but I was new, and fat and stubborn. And I didn’t talk much. Plus, I was a bookworm. I loved school. They easily bullied me out of my dialect the first few months or so, and with this, they noticed how reluctant I was to defend myself or give them any fight. I don’t blame the other kids, not at all, but I do wish they had approached me, because I think this might have given me the courage to fight back. But this is all in the past, and what was done was done. For the years to come, my classmates stayed the same. They didn’t quite know how to be my friend, some did, but mostly not. And all though some of them played with me from time to time, I think they also noticed that something was going on around me, which they didn’t want to be a part of. Throughout our time at elementary school (2.-7. grade, age 7/8 – 12/13) things slowly developed to the worst. After taking away my dialect and security, they started calling me names. Doing nasty stuff and blaming it on me. Surrounding me and telling me how awful I was, how ugly and mundane and boring and stupid and fat. They liked calling me fat. When they got tired of just name calling, they started pushing me. As they walked by, or deliberately walking up to me to push me. I was sort of a fragile child, and I had a reoccurring family condition of random nosebleeds, which the slightest shake could set off. For almost two years, I had to go in from recess and go to the principals office to sit still until the nosebleed stopped. And I could easily blame it on my family condition. As soon as winter came, I became the living target for snowball fights. Specially those with a little bit of gravel or ice in them. So dangerous. But I learned how to avoid them(I suppose I should thank them for my later discovered dodgeball skills xD), and in stead got dragged into “King of the world” games, where we climb a little mountain of snow, and fight off each other, and the one standing of the top without being fought off of it, would be the king. It was a nice, fun thing to do in the beginning. But yet again, the older kids started to meddle. And soon, I was the little mountain they had to climb. I was pushed down in the snow, kicked and slapped, pulled and pushed and stepped on. If a teacher stepped in, it was always the same excuse “we’re all playing together, she fought the king, fell and we had to go for the king ourselves, so we forgot to help her up”. But this was all just in the schoolgrounds. At my spare time, I usually stayed at home, inside, or in our yard, to avoid others. Other times, I tried go out to the soccer field or to the hills to have some fun on my own, but as soon as I was detected, I was ‘dead beat’. I can’t count the amount of times gangs gathered around me and beat me up. But they were careful not to inflict any damage to my face, so that it wouldn’t be discovered. Kids are evil and calculating. And I always told my mother I was playing in the hills, and fell to the ground, or I played action hero and so on and so forth, always an excuse for my injuries if they were discovered.

Some time in the upper elementary school years, we got a new student. A large boy, who’d been bullied a lot. I felt like talking to him, but he picked up my “bully victim vibes” and instead of talking to me, it was almost as he was set on taking out his anger on me, taking revenge for his bullying, by bullying me. Because he was a big and broken kid, he could use it to his advantage. I remember seeing it as though he took control of the class, and became some sort of a leader. And all though he didn’t lay down any rules, everyone knew they weren’t allowed to be friends with me. Not even after school. Except from on other girl in our class. Not that she was being bullied as well (at least not to my knowledge), but she didn’t have any specific significance to the ‘group’, so she was allowed to play with me. I don’t know if it was out of pity, or what the deal was, but she did play with me. After school. Because of the bullying, I didn’t like to be around the others at school, so for the recesses, I found excuses to stay inside, or I simply went along by myself. I developed the habit of looking at the ground when I walk, making sure not to notice others or making eye-contact, as well as learning where I could and couldn’t go. I became calculating and mastered the task of avoiding the others while still being in their presence. And I started hanging out with the teachers. Whenever they had a teacher walking around on ‘duty’ in the school grounds, I would tag along with them, having long discussions and debates. I was quite a bright kid for my age. A kid none the less, and it’s not like I was very intelligent or anything, but I did a lot of homework and read a lot of books, so for a kid at my age, I was seen as a bit more clever when I could have debates with adults on topics my classmates had no interest in. During the years at elementary school, I also became depressed and suicidal. I cut myself on a regular basis, and I attempted suicide a few times. Now, I have to mention that I was young and inexperienced with death, anatomy and suicide techniques, so trying to force a knife through my heart was how I though would be the best way. Obviously, a child does not have the strength to plunge a knife through their chest, so it was very futile attempts. But even in cases as tragic as this, it’s the thought that counts.

Moving on to secondary school, things got a lot better. Each grade was more specifically divided by the grades, and all the classes was mixed up and divided into new classes. I was separated from my bullies, and I got friends in my class. The first few years were really good, and I was happy. But then, obviously, I developed a new style. I became more of a goth kid. Black make-up, black hair, black clothes. And they started again. The pushing and pulling, kicking and teasing. They even locked me into one of the bathrooms and turned of the lights for some time. And even as black as I was dressed, I am scared of the dark. Really scared. The name-calling came back as well. They started calling me EMOna. Hahaha xD By the end of 10. grade, I was exhausted and worn out. But determined to stay “me” the way I wanted to be me. The students from the other grades and the other classes started seeing me as an alien. But I thought I still had my friends to support me, until I one day overheard them talking about me. It wasn’t nice. I grew distant, but never told them of what I’d heard, so they didn’t understand why I didn’t want to be with them. I felt betrayed.

When we were finally done with the mandatory 10 years of school, most of my classmates and I applied for the same college. And most of us were accepted. But I still felt betrayed and hurt, and since we were going to study different subjects, I changed my attitude. When we started the new school, I acted like I didn’t know them. And I did it so thoroughly, that my whole class almost fell off their chairs when they learned that some of these people used to be my best friends. Ouch. But I kept it up for quite some time, and got new friends at the new school. These friends, are still my friends, and for good reason. Ariana, whom I usually refer to as ‘big sis’, has become one of my most important friends, if not THE most important friend! I love her to bits and pieces, and the her strength and courage and friendship, has probably mended a lot of my broken self. Her cousin is also a very good friend of mine, and her friendship is very special to me. There are others, but these are the most prominent from my newest school. I’ve also mended a few of the broken relationships from elementary/secondary school, but not nearly a percentage. It still feels good to have a few of them back. Even though I still haven’t told them the things I heard them say about me. And now I am in England, far, far away from all of the troubles that had me caught up in Norway. I have worked my way through my experiences, and I have learned and gained from them. I still have some remaining issues, like my anxieties, the fear of being alone mixed with the reluctance to engage in friendships, and I still have the habit of constantly watching the ground when I walk, ignoring everyone around me, and not making eye-contact.

This is my story.
It’s not my one and only, but this is the main part.
It is long and heavy and a little bit reflecting.
It is here to remind me.
And if anyone reads it, I hope it reminds you of something too.

Live long and prosper,
– L A ❤

 

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Alright, so saying I would be seeing you within a week was a total lie.
But at least I’m here within the next week(since the last post).

This’ll just be a quick update, I’ve got things to do you know.

First things first:
School is still great! Everything is phenomenal!
Even though I miss many of the things I left back home in Norway(bigsiss! 😦 And my little sister. :/).
But they’ll be coming over to visit me some day! *happy*
And mum has just sent me a package with loads of my stuff, which I’m anxiously waiting for 😛
And my tutors are amazing! And very understanding(I will come back to this)…

During my stay here, it has come to my attention that I do not really like to go out to drink; I much rather prefer to stay home and have parties in a more “safe” and well known environment.
The night from Tuesday to Wednesday gave me yet another reason to feel this way.

Tuesday evening I had planned to do my readings for my seminars, but was procrastinating.
When I finally got around to it, I decided that I would do the readings for my 9 o’clock first, and then do the readings for my 11 o’clock in the break between the seminars. So I sat down and started reading my criminology stuff, and found it so interesting! I got really engaged in what I did and my replies to the questions asked, that I didn’t realize it was beginning to get rather late. It wasn’t until I finished, the time dawned upon me… HALF ELEVEN! Shit! So I pack away my books, clean my desk and get ready for bed. As I am setting my alarm for the morning I cast a quick glance at my timetable and fuck me over… I have sociology first, not criminology! Hooray! So to fix this up, I set my alarm for 7 AM, just to be able to get through my stuff roughly, and go to bed.
At 3 AM I’m woken by a “Hilde, Hilde, Hilde, no no no, Hilde, you’re losing all your stuff” and a loud thump. I figure my Norwegian friend has had a drink or two too much, as us Norwegians tend to do. But as I am drifting away to dreamland again, I hear crying. “Wtf?” So I get out of bed and walk into the hallway to see what is going on. SHIT!

Credit to Sblommaert

Credit to Sblommaert

Hilde is lying in her bed, crying her heart out, puke all over, and shouting for her mum. The others don’t quite understand what was going on, as she had just been tipsy when they were on the bus, but when they arrived here, she had suddenly *BANG* went completely limp, and apparently superdrunk. It doesn’t take long before we realize what has happened; Hilde has been spiked. It takes us a couple of hours of me calling her mum, explaining, letting them talk to each other, calling a taxi, the others getting hold of everyone they can, and we ship her off to the hospital. There they confirm our suspicion, and Hilde gets taken care of. At this point, I am still in the flat, cleaning up a bit in her room and trying to get some sleep for my early morning. No can do. And just as they arrive, my 7 o’clock alarm goes off. Up we go, into the shower, check on the others and off to the seminar. Then I realize… the reading. In my sleep deprived mind I explain what has happened, and my tutor, Stan, just looks at me and says: “You should go take a nap. You shouldn’t even be here! No problem, I understand why you haven’t read it.” Thank God for that!

Oh, I don’t remember if I mentioned or not, but the first week here I had to get a new phone in order to get a functional phone with a british number. And do you have any idea how crazy I am? I bought a fucking BlackBerry! And not ANY fucking BlackBerry, THE fucking BlackBerry!

BlackBerry Torch

BlackBerry Torch

Oh yeah! ♥

It is fucking awesome!

Oh, and I have read some books! Well, one book. I’m only halfway into the other.
“In The Miso Soup” by Murakami Ryu (The other way around for us Europeans, and you Americans).
And I’ve got to hand it to him, it is brilliantly done. Even though it is a thriller, I must say: the mix between mundane everyday life, work, relationships, and sex, blood, gore and murder makes it both boring and horrifying. In the “this-could-actually-have-happened-to-me!” sort of way. You get the feeling of being right there, and you are so dragged in, it at points feel like this is your own actual life. Brilliant, just fucking brilliant. Read it!

"In the Miso Soup" by Muramaki Ryu

"In the Miso Soup" by Muramaki Ryu

On a short note, I have also begun to pick up on my Supernatural fangasms again, and have begun where I left off in the beginning/middle of season 5. This still surprised me, though:

"Wtf?"

"Wtf?"

Oh well 😛

I guess I’ll be seeing you around, then 😉
– L A♥

So, a new post every day is officcialy over xD But how about this: at least one each week?
Yeah, let’s keep it at that 😉

So, what’s new?
Well, I’ve been in Parga, Greece over this summer, which was fun.
A bit boring, of course, as this was the fourt year in a row I went there.

Mommy and me having fun <3

Mommy and me having fun ❤

And Ariana and I have been having fun on pilo! (Which is actually my phones way of writing “picnic” xD):

Pilo

Pilo

Can you tell we’re having fun? And look at how lovely the weather was! Dang, I’m gonna miss that girl!

Let me see… What else has been going on?
Oh yeah! School! I can’t remember what I last said about school, but now everything seems to be in order. Well, most of it.
I still need to get my student loan, but I have checked, and I know it’s been granted.
And I still haven’t applied for a Purple Card, but that’s because I still don’t have my address in England.
And I need to talk to my insurancecompany, to see what sort of insurance for students abroad they can provide me with.

But I have made a new friend! And she is so much like me! For instance, one of her nicknames is O C, she also loves serial killers, we both love art, we both put DNA in our own art, we are very alike when it comes to political views and of course, we share the interest in manga/anime/manhwa 🙂 Met her in real life for the first time last friday, but since it’s my birthday this friday(tomorrow), we can’t meet up untill next friday. I’m actually really looking forward to it, specially since she insist on us eating at her familys diner. Oh, did I mention she’s chinese? And I LOVE chinese food! A little worried though, she mentioned her mother coming from the Seichuan(??) province, and that this is where they supposedly eat the hottest meals in China. And I mean hot as in chili. Ouch, me and hot food… But I’ll work it out somehow 😉
It’ll be nice to come to her house and have fun together no matter the food. I love the company.
…How did we meet, you ask? Oooh, I forgot to mention this, did I not? Of course, O C and I will be attending the same school from this fall on. We’ll be studying at Lancaster University, where she will study “Peace studies and international relations” and I will be busy with my “Criminology with sociology”. We will stay at different colleges, but I really couldn’t care less. We’ll meet up anyways!

I will be leaving on September 30th, me and O C will take the 6:30 AM flight from Gardermoen in Oslo. And we and three others will stay in Manchester for a couple of days, before we head up north 🙂 GOD, I’m exited!
I’ll try to update a little more often from now on. Hopefully, it’ll be a new post up at least once a week from now on! 😀

– L A ❤

Now now now, what have you guys been up to since last time?

I’ve basically just spent my time in the car, or emptying bags and floors for schoolrelated things.
It’s so absolutely fantastic to be done with 13 years of school! Finally I can do something I WANT to do!

Hey, shush! But I’ve found a really nice guy.
My age and all. Stupid schools in England.
But shush! No one knows!

AND TODAY I GAVE IN! I now have spotify. *ashamed*
😮

So, it must be time for my entertainment updates!

In the time I have been lazy and procrastinating, I have managed to watch all the “The Exorcist” movies, the three first “Child’s Play” movies, “Lady in the Water”, the two first “Fast and the furious” movies, “Disturbia”, the “The Omen” trilogi, “Just Friends”, and “The Runaways”.

The Exorcist was okay. The first two were the best, though. The story sort of “got lost on the way” through the last couple of movies. And I hated the fact that #4 and #5 are pretty much the same story!

The Omen was… BORING! Geeez. The story COULD have been good, but seriously? I know they’re from the 70’s, but hello! Even 70’s PORN has got more action than these.
…not that I would know that, of course.

Child’s Play were sort of entertaining, though. Of course, they could have stopped after the first or second movie. I ended up with the “How fucking HARD can it be to kill a DOLL???”-impression afterwards.

Lady in the Water was.. okay. Nothing special, really. Probably inspired by a manga or something. It’s likable. And sort of believable xD

The Fast and the Furious almost ended with me getting speeding tickets. Inspiring. And now that our own car has said bye for a while, and we’re driving an Audi A3, things are going FAST! ❤

Disturbia was nice. Just my kind of movie; a lot of humor, adrenalin and gore. Yup, exactly my cup of tea.

Just Friends was funny, charming, interesting and entertainin, but a bit too much. And predictable.

The Runaways however is a different story. The story of Joan Jets and Cherie Currie and how they ended up with forming the band “The Runaways” and the story of what happend during and after they first met. Actually a likable movie, and I was surprised that I could actually watch it without constantly seeing Kristen Stewart as “Bella” (from Twilight) instead of Jean Jets. And the chemistry between her and Dakota Fanning is absolutely amazing. If you’re intereseted in music, this would actually be worth your time.

From the shooting of "The Runaways"

From the shooting of "The Runaways"

As for music, I have been inspired by Graham Norton (show) and the “The Runaways” movie.
From Graham Norton, I learned that Rod Stewart isn’t all that bad, actually.
And from “The Runnaways” I remembered how awesome Suzi Quatro is, and that I actually like Joan Jets!

+ if you’d like a whole lot of different songs, download the soundtracks to the “The L Word” TV-series. So much nice summer music. And so much hardcore “I’m a effin chick, get over it!”-music! Lovely ^___^

Suzi Quatro

Suzi Quatro

And speaking of which! It’s “Skeive Dager” in Oslo nowadays! Skeive Dager is a pridefestival, where LGBT people from all over Norway meet and celebrate that we live in a country where we can be “out and proud”. I’m going there with a whole lot of friends this weekend, and I’m really looking forward to it! Missed it last year, but two years ago it was AMAZING! ❤
Oh well, I’ll see ye around!
xoxo
L A

…fuck it! I had planned to give you a loooooong post giving you detailed descriptions of the events that has kept me away from my blog, but I just realized that I’m far to lazy to do so, and you are far to uninteresed. In short: there was a huge, Norwegian graduation-class tradition that kept me busy. And after that, I’ve just procrastinated writing the previous mentioned entry. Anyways…

Things are going great nowadays! 😀
I’m done with applying for schools, and besides the Norwegian ones (which I don’t really want to attend), I applyed at the University of York, of Lancaster, of Essex, of Stirling, and Swansea University. Fun part is: only two days after York got my application, they gave me a conditional offer! 😀 Which means I’ll probably have a place there! So, unless some of the other schools says they want me, and York doesn’t change their minds, I’LL BE ATTENDIG UNIVERSITY IN ENGLAND SOON! *really happy*

AND, I’ve seen my grades now, and they’ve actually improved! My score has gone up, and as a “‘atta good girl” and “well done finishing 13 years of school with good grades”, the mother bought me A BRAND NEW LAPTOP! Hallelujah! ❤

And it haz got webcamz

Webcam 4 meh <3

Webcam 4 meh ❤

My precious little Acer Aspire 5551G ❤

Last, but not least, I have got a new addiction.
Dailybooth! It’s kinda cute, a little nerdy, and very social!
Have fun!

Bye ❤

So, what has been keeping me away from my promise?
Well, medications mostly. :p

I am taking a shot here, and guessing there is rather few of my friends who read this,
except the ones I have already told.
Two weeks ago, I got my gall stone surgery.
This has really been a bitch afterwards, I’ve had problems walking, been drugged down and out, had problems moving at all, made me dizzy and so on. When I finally seemed to get better, I got an infection in the largest wound. Great! Of course I had to get an infection! Why wouldn’t I? To get back on my feet would seem ridiculous, right? :p

So, at the very least, I went to the hospital to see what they could do(and what I should do), and it took the OVER SIX HOURS(!!!) to just LOOK at the wound. (Helsenorge, dere! 8D *happytardface*) And I had to get ultrasound check. Again. Twice in under a year?? I haven’t even got pregnant! Hah! Oh well.

Anyhow, I am still under recovery, and I am loathing every minute of it! (Okay, that’s a blatant lie. I’ve never watched so many interesting movies in my life! Movies, movies, movies! ❤ What would we sick people have done without them?) But I hate being sick, I hate having to sit still or lie still, and the very fact that even SHOWERING hurts (seriously, guys! PAIN!), and I will be SO glad when this is all over.

The reason why I don’t want to let to many people know about this though, is because now I can suddenly eat so much candy and sugar again, and everyone has kept promising that the minute I am well again, they will buy me this or that, or bake me all these different things, or take me with them so I can taste this or that. I do not want this. So I shall pretend that I still have a gallbladder, and that it’s still filled with gall stones, so they continue to avoid giving me these things.

No more candy

No more candy

I have seriously gained weight the last couple of months, and I’m constantly beating myself mentally for letting that happen. Last year I lost about 20-25 pounds! I looked a lot healthier. I need to lose those pounds again. And I am really motivated to go through with this now. If I don’t, I’ll end up as a big, fat version of Bill Kaulitz again, and I really don’t want that. So here we go healthy me.

Reform:
I WILL eat the lunch I bring to school from home.
I will NOT continue buying sodas at school.
I will TRY not to enter the school cafeteria again(I think this is one of the things that worked for me last time).
I will try to find a HEALTHIER option for candy when I am out with friends, at the cinema etc.
I WILL carry with me a bottle of squash from home, which I can fill up with water whenever I am out of squash.
I WILL go to the gym at least twice a week (as soon as I have recovered, that is).

I’ve been thinking about keeping my hair for a while now. Maybe I should save it from now on? Letting it grow out? What do you think? Could be fun to see how it’ll look, right? :p

Across the Pond

Across the Pond

The wonderful Across the Pond has now begun helping me with applying for schools in England! And I have decided what I want to go for. It’ll be Criminology! I have been super excited about it for a while now, since I’ve seen so many movies lately! “Silence of the Lambs”, “Hanibal”, “The Red Dragon” and the TV-series “Dexter” has been especially inspirational, and I SO want to focus on the criminal minds of serial killers! 😀

Yes, for those of you who don’t really know me, I am a “gore-freak”. I love serial killers, horror and thriller movies and I love sculls almost more than anything! I’ve got only one other friends who seems to understand my liking for these things. Please tell me I am not the only one?  Haha ^____^

And if you haven’t seen “Dexter”, I highly recommend it! If you like series like NYPD Blue, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, Cops, criminal literature, or other previously mentioned things, this is the series for you! At least, I am hooked!

Dexter <3

Dexter ❤

Now, I really want your input on the hair-thing. What do you think?
L A out<3

*Oh, and for the Bill Kaulitz reference: I have noticed I dress more and more black whenever I turn fat. xD