Posts Tagged ‘Children’

The other day I updated my Facebook status to this:

I just calculated how much money I will owe after my Bachelor degree…”

And yes, ha-ha, very funny, I know…
But it did get me thinking! What if someone rich actually DID approach me?
I keep imagining the following conversation to unfold:
“Yes, hello, I’m rather rich, and I would consider marrying you…”
“Great then, as long as you agree to pay for my tuition – up to a full PhD, it’s done! :D”
“Well, I’d agree to that, but what could you offer me?”
…Obviously, I can’t expect a random rich person to marry me and pay up without getting anything in return. But what would I offer? Sexual services are not an option, simply because I’m neither experienced not attractive enough for a future husband/wife to benefit of our marriage solely based on that, especially since I’m not open to the all-too-weird stuff.
“Well, you’ve obviously got the talent and the money, and I’ve got the ehm… The education. Yes?”
…Nope, wouldn’t work.
“Extensive knowledge of serial killers and various methods of torture?”
…But now that we think about it, that’s not really qualities you look for in a future wife now, is it?
“I’m like, REALLY good at texting! Yeah?”
…Wouldn’t cut it.
“I can make you some origami decorations?”
…Aaaah, tempting! But alas, NO. -___-
“I wouldn’t be in your way?”
…Neither would a mail order bride!  Besides, I’d say getting my education funded would be ‘being in the way’, economically speaking.
“I’d tweet nice things about you and let everyone I know on Facebook know how much I love you?”
…Really? I couldn’t just… _Pay_ someone to do that?
“I’d give you more children than you can count, and guarantee you an… heir?”
…Is this really the qualities it comes down to? An heir? When is this, the 17th century??

Though I DO realise I basically just said that I WOULD whore myself out for a financially secured education, but that I lack the qualities of a common prostitute 😛 Either way, my point is that I don’t have much to bring into a relationship but myself, and though that in many ways may be a lot, that is still not all there is to a relationship.

But further more, I not only need this hypothetical persons money for my education! I also need it for a flat with a proper boiler and FUCKING HOT WATER! I mean, are you kidding me? My showering routine now consists of boiling a full kettle of water three times, pouring the boiling water into a bucket, before adding enough cold water to fill the bucket, then place it in the bathtub together with a smaller bowl and my shampoo, conditioner and body wash. When this is done, I have to lower myself into the (COLD) bathtub, and use the smaller bowl to pour the luke warm water over my head/body. Yeah, wow! Very medieval.
Why? Because not only did someone in the building turn off and on the water in the building without telling us, so that air would gather in our pipes and create an immense pressure resulting in no hot water coming out of the boiler, and a massive leak in our cupboard, which lead to water getting into our washing machine and short circuiting the whole flat for a few days, but when they fixed the leak, our hot water would not return! GAH! We’ve had people running in and out of our flat for days on end now, to get everything fixed, but it’s yet to be resolved completely. We’ve got electricity and a washing machine again though, so we’re happy about that 🙂


And it’s not all doom and gloom, Friday is coming up, and do we know what’ll happen then? 😀
INA WILL BE HERE! She’s visiting from Friday to Wednesday, and I’m really looking forward to it 😀
It’ll be so much fun =^___^=

Listen while reading 🙂

So, here I am again…
What is going on in my life?
Well, that’s the reason I haven’t been posting much: nothing. Nothing is going on in my life.
I quite like it, it’s not so stressful, and it allows me time to do fun stuff, to rest and to deal with my issues.
2011 has been a particularly bad year for me, with a lot of deaths and bad stuff. I’ve also been ill a lot, but this year is almost over – which gives me hope. When I look back at my life from now on, 2011 will be viewed as a black little space in my lifeline, but I want to come out of it and in later years be able to say “That year was shit, but you won’t believe all the fun I had in 2012!”

I have been a good girl and paid attention to Uni and coursework, I’ve actually showed up for all my lectures and seminars, and if I’ve missed a seminar, I’ve always arranged to go to another seminar to catch up with what I’ve lost. So I haven’t missed a thing. 🙂
I’ve also become a Departmental representative (Dep Rep), which turned out to be way more than expected.  When they pitch the position to you, they say “You’ll be representing all your fellow students in your department, and all you have to do is to go to four meetings per academic year”, which sounds simple enough, even though you learn during your first year that you’ve got about 200 fellow students. So being the Dep Rep for the Sociology department, I expected to represent 200 Sociology(Soc) students for the 2. year, and I expected there to be at least one other Rep alongside me. I was partly right in both expectations. I DO represent 200 Sociology students with at least one other Rep. But we’re four reps so far(from the 2. year Soc Students), and we represent both 2. and 3. year! Which means we’re representing about 400 students! And then there was the surprising turn of us also representing the MCS (Media and Cultural Study) students, which makes it about 800 people to represent! I find this hard to believe though, as we don’t have anything to so with these students, but the information I’ve got so far seems to point in that direction. I must admit, this whole Dep Rep job is a bit confusing, because we seem to only get information on a ‘need-to-know’-basis, except during the meetings, because then we get a lot of information on all sorts of stuff. It wasn’t until I got the first e-mail that I realised I’m in a some committee as well, and have to attend meetings with them. And then I got another e-mail about another committee, and another about yet another, and so on. Apparently, I am part of so many aspects of student/staff – student/university committees and organisations, I can’t even keep count. But I receive e-mails with details on where and when, so I manage to go to them (all except from one). And I’m still kind of liking it, even though it’s way more than expected.

If you’ve read some of my blog before, you might remember me saying that I wanted to get involved in projects where I help with and deal with children. I have been looking and looking, but apparently my searches have not been of good quality, because I’ve only just found something! But I’m way too excited about it to be sad that I couldn’t get involved at an earlier stage 😀 LUSU involve hasn’t been of any interest to me until after I became a Dep Rep, and it wasn’t until a friend of mine signed up for some of these projects, that I really started appreciating them. Hopefully, I’ll get the ever lovely Fani to join me on some of this too 🙂

But let’s move over to my more personal life, and end this whole educational rant 😛
With all my free time now, I’ve spent a whole lot of it catching up with different series and watched, and re-watched, a few films – which is one of the things I sort of need to do from time to time now, since I need to tire myself out mentally to be able to sleep or at least rest. But I’ve found a new show I’m sure a lot of you have heard of before, and I am in love – on so many levels!
American Horror Story, anyone? Heard of it? Yeah? No? Well, it is splendid! And the intro/opening alone is just… wow. If scary/horror-themed things could actually turn me on,  I’d be an open flame of sexual drives after watching it! The giddy feeling I get from it though, and the sort of… Love… I feel for the sheer fiction of it just overwhelms me when I think too hard about it.

As you can see, this video is mirrored, but it’s the best version I can find for now, so bare with it.

And one can obviously guess who I immediately fell in love with. Tate. Wow. It’s such a weird, twisted, sick thing and as if “falling in love” with a fictional character alone isn’t “bad” enough, I had to fall for the most twisted of them all. The dude is psycho, and I can’t help but think “don’t worry too much about it, you’re still allowed to like him!” As if?! If this was real life, I’d be sick even thinking about liking someone like that! But, luckily, this isn’t real life 😉

I have also re-discovered KoЯn, and how much I love them!

I have also re-discovered eBay! And MAN am I having fun!
I have ordered so many things by now, and I don’t know what to do with myself O_O
I have absolutely no self control when it comes to buying cheap stuff online xD
I’ve even bought the whole series of ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’ for £7.5 WITH SHIPPING!
I DID bid on the first edition of ‘The Chronicles of Narnia – The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe’, but my friend, being the little fucker he is, OVERBID ME! FIVE SECONDS BEFORE THE END! )@=(¤¤#%&(&/)(=”¤/”=!!!! I’m happy for him and all, but I wanted that book!
I have also bought some very amazing steampunk goggles, and as soon as I get them, I promise I will post a few pictures *overly happy* ❤

And last but not least, I have developed a passion for origami!
I’ve been making butterflies since *insert* after going to a Christian summer camp(don’t ask -___-), and I’ve sort of been known for leaving little butterflies here and there for people to find 🙂 Among those people are Charlotte, my flatmate, I left here some on her bed before I went home for the summer(together with a short letter), but I haven’t thought much of it until she the other day asked me “Do you know how to make paper swans?”
“Ehh… no?”
Two minutes pass.
“Do you want me to know how to make paper swans?”
And this resulted in an army of little paper things now residing in her room 🙂
At this point, I know how to make butterflies, swans, cranes, dragons, hearts, stars, elephants, orchids, koi, rose(sort of), and I’m continuously learning new things to make! Tomorrow, Charlotte and I are planning a little Creative Christmas Workshop for ourselves, where we’ll be making our own Christmas decorations, and I’ll try out some new origami techniques – I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT FOR THIS! 😀 We’ll be going shopping early tomorrow, trying to find candles and glitter and pretty paper and all sorts of fun arts and crafts stuff – and in the evening we’ll be creating Christmas in our home! 😀 This will be so much fun! =^__^=







This means I have also gone on eBay and ordered a whole lot of origami paper xD
But it’s worth it – definitely!

I guess this will be it from me for today.
I’ll see you in another life when we both are cats 🙂

– L A<3

In the honour of one of my friends from back home(one of the guys attending Swansea University now), who is participating in campaigns against bullying, I will tell you my story.

(I ended up taking a trip down memory lane o_O)

I’ve always been a chubby girl. Fat, even. Specially now. But when I was younger, it was more determining, the status of you BMI that is. It’s not like they calculated my BMI, we were only kids, but it’s more prominent when we’re younger. The others hadn’t developed a pattern of eating-habits, and couldn’t really determine how I was wrong. But I was different, I stood out, and that was enough. For the first 6-7 years of my life, this wasn’t a problem, but fall/winter 1998, my mum and I moved. Here they noticed. I can’t remember exactly how it all started, I think it was a gradual process. They wanted to give me a chance, but they didn’t know how. And I was alone and new, so how could I reach out for them? I remember being scared. But I also remember being a tomboy. At my previous school, I’d hung out with girls as well as boys, with the girls I played “husband, wife and child” and with the boys I did all the “action hero” stuff and got into fights. At my first school, an older student had tried bullying me, but I’d jumped up on some box, grabbed his ear and twisted it around until he apologized and left me alone. I had my friends there. At the new school, I had no one to support me. So when the older students started to notice the new, fat girl, I didn’t have the courage to do the same. All I could do was run, or stay silent. Both the villages I’d lived in were quite small and rural, but the first was a little more “developed” and “urban” than the other. Thinking back now, I realise that this was probably of quite the importance to what was to come.

Not only did I come from another village, with slightly different language habits and dialect, but I was new, and fat and stubborn. And I didn’t talk much. Plus, I was a bookworm. I loved school. They easily bullied me out of my dialect the first few months or so, and with this, they noticed how reluctant I was to defend myself or give them any fight. I don’t blame the other kids, not at all, but I do wish they had approached me, because I think this might have given me the courage to fight back. But this is all in the past, and what was done was done. For the years to come, my classmates stayed the same. They didn’t quite know how to be my friend, some did, but mostly not. And all though some of them played with me from time to time, I think they also noticed that something was going on around me, which they didn’t want to be a part of. Throughout our time at elementary school (2.-7. grade, age 7/8 – 12/13) things slowly developed to the worst. After taking away my dialect and security, they started calling me names. Doing nasty stuff and blaming it on me. Surrounding me and telling me how awful I was, how ugly and mundane and boring and stupid and fat. They liked calling me fat. When they got tired of just name calling, they started pushing me. As they walked by, or deliberately walking up to me to push me. I was sort of a fragile child, and I had a reoccurring family condition of random nosebleeds, which the slightest shake could set off. For almost two years, I had to go in from recess and go to the principals office to sit still until the nosebleed stopped. And I could easily blame it on my family condition. As soon as winter came, I became the living target for snowball fights. Specially those with a little bit of gravel or ice in them. So dangerous. But I learned how to avoid them(I suppose I should thank them for my later discovered dodgeball skills xD), and in stead got dragged into “King of the world” games, where we climb a little mountain of snow, and fight off each other, and the one standing of the top without being fought off of it, would be the king. It was a nice, fun thing to do in the beginning. But yet again, the older kids started to meddle. And soon, I was the little mountain they had to climb. I was pushed down in the snow, kicked and slapped, pulled and pushed and stepped on. If a teacher stepped in, it was always the same excuse “we’re all playing together, she fought the king, fell and we had to go for the king ourselves, so we forgot to help her up”. But this was all just in the schoolgrounds. At my spare time, I usually stayed at home, inside, or in our yard, to avoid others. Other times, I tried go out to the soccer field or to the hills to have some fun on my own, but as soon as I was detected, I was ‘dead beat’. I can’t count the amount of times gangs gathered around me and beat me up. But they were careful not to inflict any damage to my face, so that it wouldn’t be discovered. Kids are evil and calculating. And I always told my mother I was playing in the hills, and fell to the ground, or I played action hero and so on and so forth, always an excuse for my injuries if they were discovered.

Some time in the upper elementary school years, we got a new student. A large boy, who’d been bullied a lot. I felt like talking to him, but he picked up my “bully victim vibes” and instead of talking to me, it was almost as he was set on taking out his anger on me, taking revenge for his bullying, by bullying me. Because he was a big and broken kid, he could use it to his advantage. I remember seeing it as though he took control of the class, and became some sort of a leader. And all though he didn’t lay down any rules, everyone knew they weren’t allowed to be friends with me. Not even after school. Except from on other girl in our class. Not that she was being bullied as well (at least not to my knowledge), but she didn’t have any specific significance to the ‘group’, so she was allowed to play with me. I don’t know if it was out of pity, or what the deal was, but she did play with me. After school. Because of the bullying, I didn’t like to be around the others at school, so for the recesses, I found excuses to stay inside, or I simply went along by myself. I developed the habit of looking at the ground when I walk, making sure not to notice others or making eye-contact, as well as learning where I could and couldn’t go. I became calculating and mastered the task of avoiding the others while still being in their presence. And I started hanging out with the teachers. Whenever they had a teacher walking around on ‘duty’ in the school grounds, I would tag along with them, having long discussions and debates. I was quite a bright kid for my age. A kid none the less, and it’s not like I was very intelligent or anything, but I did a lot of homework and read a lot of books, so for a kid at my age, I was seen as a bit more clever when I could have debates with adults on topics my classmates had no interest in. During the years at elementary school, I also became depressed and suicidal. I cut myself on a regular basis, and I attempted suicide a few times. Now, I have to mention that I was young and inexperienced with death, anatomy and suicide techniques, so trying to force a knife through my heart was how I though would be the best way. Obviously, a child does not have the strength to plunge a knife through their chest, so it was very futile attempts. But even in cases as tragic as this, it’s the thought that counts.

Moving on to secondary school, things got a lot better. Each grade was more specifically divided by the grades, and all the classes was mixed up and divided into new classes. I was separated from my bullies, and I got friends in my class. The first few years were really good, and I was happy. But then, obviously, I developed a new style. I became more of a goth kid. Black make-up, black hair, black clothes. And they started again. The pushing and pulling, kicking and teasing. They even locked me into one of the bathrooms and turned of the lights for some time. And even as black as I was dressed, I am scared of the dark. Really scared. The name-calling came back as well. They started calling me EMOna. Hahaha xD By the end of 10. grade, I was exhausted and worn out. But determined to stay “me” the way I wanted to be me. The students from the other grades and the other classes started seeing me as an alien. But I thought I still had my friends to support me, until I one day overheard them talking about me. It wasn’t nice. I grew distant, but never told them of what I’d heard, so they didn’t understand why I didn’t want to be with them. I felt betrayed.

When we were finally done with the mandatory 10 years of school, most of my classmates and I applied for the same college. And most of us were accepted. But I still felt betrayed and hurt, and since we were going to study different subjects, I changed my attitude. When we started the new school, I acted like I didn’t know them. And I did it so thoroughly, that my whole class almost fell off their chairs when they learned that some of these people used to be my best friends. Ouch. But I kept it up for quite some time, and got new friends at the new school. These friends, are still my friends, and for good reason. Ariana, whom I usually refer to as ‘big sis’, has become one of my most important friends, if not THE most important friend! I love her to bits and pieces, and the her strength and courage and friendship, has probably mended a lot of my broken self. Her cousin is also a very good friend of mine, and her friendship is very special to me. There are others, but these are the most prominent from my newest school. I’ve also mended a few of the broken relationships from elementary/secondary school, but not nearly a percentage. It still feels good to have a few of them back. Even though I still haven’t told them the things I heard them say about me. And now I am in England, far, far away from all of the troubles that had me caught up in Norway. I have worked my way through my experiences, and I have learned and gained from them. I still have some remaining issues, like my anxieties, the fear of being alone mixed with the reluctance to engage in friendships, and I still have the habit of constantly watching the ground when I walk, ignoring everyone around me, and not making eye-contact.

This is my story.
It’s not my one and only, but this is the main part.
It is long and heavy and a little bit reflecting.
It is here to remind me.
And if anyone reads it, I hope it reminds you of something too.

Live long and prosper,
– L A ❤