Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

I’ll Be Home For Christmas

Posted: February 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

This post was written on the 19th of December, but at the end you’ll see that my keyboard gave out – lot’s of keys stopped working, including the space bar and backspace. xD

…Or at least, HOPEFULLY I’ll be. I haven’t forgotten how last years trip went. But this year, there’s been no snow, so my chances are good 😀 I can’t wait to go home though – to the Christmas food, the fireplace, my own bed, my mother, THE CAR, familiar surroundings and all my friends ^__^ I must admit, I’ve got a very romanticized image of Christmas in my head, but no matter how I experience the Christmas holidays in the moments, when I look back later, I get that warm, fuzzy, romanticized feeling anyway, so it’s all good.

I’m writing this post a couple of hours before I leave, for the following reasons:
1) My keyboard is broken, so I have to copy-paste in some letters, which makes writing a whole lot more complicated, so I pretty much put off writing anything 😛
2) I can’t sleep, I’m so excited to go home! 😀
3) I have a horrible cold, which makes me unable to breathe properly when I’m lying down – again leading to me not being able to sleep
4) I didn’t start packing until 11:30PM xP
5) It’s too late to go to be now anyway, so I might as well do something creative to keep me going 🙂

So, what’s been going on lately?
Well, for the last 4-5 days, I’ve pretty much been tucked up in bed, unwillingly pretending to be Darth Vader, but before that, Ina was here 😀 It was really awesome having someone from back home staying over here, and taking trips to Manchester to go shopping(sjopping? xD) and to bring her with me to class to introduce her to my awesome teacher Graeme, who a few weeks back, to make a point of Weber’s methodology showed us a picture of a man chopping wood – which turned out to be the Norwegian athlete Vegard Ullvang, which in it self was funny enough for me. But when Ina was here, and Fani, her and I was seated at the front in the classroom, an even more awesome moment occurred, when Graeme tried to make another point, and said:
“Nobody believes in Odin and Thor and that sort of mythology anymore…”
Whereas I just leaned back with an expression of “What did you just say??” and Ina firmly raised her hand and stated “We do?”
As the rest of the class laughed, Graeme looked at us with obvious embarrassment  remembering the two of us, and went:
“Oh blimey, two Norwegians! …Well, nobody believes in Zeus and that sort of mythology anymore..” at which point everybody started laughing again, and Fani mimicked Ina and raised her hand going “I do?”
Graeme, a little dumbfound, responded with “Oh God, a Greek too…” before muttering “This is why I hate teaching international students” (all of this obviously a joke) and then continuing with “Are there any Italians in here? No? No one? Good – Nobody believes in Neptune and March and THAT sort of mythology any more…” and continuing making his point while the giggles slowly died out.

I’m pretty sure it’s not as funny written down, and it might seem like a bit of a ramble to a lot of you, but some will probably like that I put this in here. It was a great moment for us 🙂

So, what else could we mention..?
Oh, “we”!  Hahaha xD I’ve been shwgenpegng

 

I carry around with me this sadness in my heart, a sadness which is underlying, not hidden – but still not visible in everyday life.
And this sadness can be triggered by the simplest of things.

Like in sociology, where we’re reading The Communist Manifesto. Manifesto. Just this one word is enough to send my sadness pulsing through me. There are many manifestos out there, but there are only two I am familiar with; the communist one, and Breivik’s. And then I get really sad.

Or like in criminology. Our professor mentioned the ongoing protests, and talked about how they’d been going on “over the summer”. And then I was emotionally overwhelmed with sadness. The summer, huh? Other things happened “over the summer”, which I was more focused upon.
But he moved on, talking about Emil Durkheim, and explained his study on suicide. Suicide. That was enough to trigger both memory and sadness again. It comes pulsing, crashing through me. And all I want to do is pick up my stuff and leave, to find myself an abandoned corner of the school to sit down and cry. But then I have the academic curiosity, as well as the deep, dwelling desire to move on. And so I stay. Only to get distracted by a picture of a cop. And so it all comes back.

But the worst is when I’m in town, either driving by on the bus, or walking through/around, and I see a real, live cop. Just a bobby, out on patrol. Then I don’t get sad. I get scared. Really fucking scared. All my instincts screams out, telling me to back up, move away, run if I can or have to, but “just get the fuck away from there!” And I hate that. Obviously I don’t do as my instincts say, I calm down and continue on my way to wherever I’m supposed to be. But I recent myself and my mind, my painfully obviously strained mental health, for letting me fear so irrationally and desperately the sociopolitical/criminological organ I love and respect because I know they are there to make our lives safer and to protect us. I know this, and yet my stomach twists and turns in knots, I get nauseous and light-headed, overwhelmed with terror and fear for my life when I see them. It’s so irrational, specially coming from me, who had no part of what happened over summer, I get furious with myself for even reacting this way. When I’m done being angry with myself, I get sad again. And when I can cope with my sadness, my body is left empty and drained.

These emotional trips varies from lasting a few seconds to hours and days.  Who am I to have such fears, when I did not even have to go through any such horrors as my friends, comrades, acquaintances and other youths on that island? I was not even a bystander. And I don’t count myself among those who were directly affected by what happened. I had no close connections with anyone who were there. And yet I dare be scared and sad on the behalf of them, them being a minority of people whom I have never, and may never, seen or spoken with? Of course, I knew of a few of the people who were there, and I’m from such a small rural village that I had close friends who were/are close friends with those affected. But I am not among those people. Even so, my brain has the nerve to react like this, like I was there. Of course, even though I was not physically there, my subconsciousness has taken the privilege to portray myself and my friends, family and other acquaintances placed on that island on the day of horror, displaying every single death, every singe drop of blood spilled, to my inner eye whilst I am sleeping. And when I’m resting. I’m under strain, in a constant battle with my body and my mind, distracting myself to the point where I can rest for some time. Sleeping is not easy, because even if I was not there, I still feel like I was. I have been there in my head, so many times, over and over, seeing my loved ones die. Seeing people I have met, under any circumstances, disintegrate in front of my very eyes, like it was real, like it was really happening, over and over and over and over and over and it’s a never ending cycle of bloodbath in my subconsciousness. I am left drained of all energy and to a certain point; lifeless. I was not even there, but in my own, selfish, ignorant way; I might as well have been.

I am dysfunctional and off balance, not to the point of lunacy, but to a point where I question my own intentions. Because I feel like I am alone in being like this, as I should be and hope I am, but being alone in something means there are no one to talk about this with. And so whenever the appropriate topic comes up in a discussion, I find myself bending it one way or the other, twisting the focus to me and to what happened. So I question myself. Am I really as upset and unbalanced as I feel, or do I feel like this simply because I am an attentionwhore? Do I actually need someone to talk to, or with, or do I just have the need to have people feeling sorry for me.
Seeing as my dreams have mainly consisted of night terrors ever since then, and I feel like I’m feeling all these overwhelming emotions, I am tempted to believe these are the actual conditions, but even so, I cannot help but wonder.

I should leave things at this for now, and go find my happy place for some time.
I might actually need it 🙂

– L A♥

 

No! No, no, no, NO! STOP IT!

Posted: April 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

This can NOT be happening! Just… STOP!
Don’t! I can’t even… No!

Not another one.
He can’t be dead.
Another friend. Gone.

I’m gonna copy Jessi Slaughter on this one:
I’M BACK BITCHESSSSS!

Hahahaha ^^
Yeah, I’m back again.
And I will start doing the “at least a post a week” thing again 🙂

Sorry for the long wait, time has literally flown by, and I’m pretty sure it flipped me the bird as it passed.
I’m as lazy as ever, but I’m also more constructive. I’ve started taking care of my room, and I’m proud to say I’m working with my anxiety issues. I even went in to town alone on Saturday! And I bought a whole lot of stuff, so now my room feels a little bit more like a home ^^

And I’ve had dinner guests! Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t try to make any food. They’re my friends, why would I try to poison them? o_O Haha, no, we’ve ordered take-out and pizza and had some lovely evenings. Well, I’ve got school in an hour, so I’ll keep this short 🙂

I’ll see ya laters!
– L A

So, it’s been a long time since I last spoke to you guys, hasn’t it?
Well, I have my reasons. Las time, I mentioned that I’ve entered NaNoWriMo, so here’s a teaser of my story.

Helium Mind:

The story of a girl trapped inside her sisters body.
Unable to reach out for anyone, she is forced to live her life seeing,
hearing and feeling what her sister sees, hears and feels. Only one slight problem:
They live at Longfords “hidden corridor”, England’s most famous asylum.

The story as I have begun to form it, will be something like “Alice in Wonderland” meets “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” meets “Inception”. And I’m planning on bringing in a bit of Japanese culture, and maybe some hints of Murakami Ryu’s thrillers? 😀

I hope it goes well, but I’m afraid I won’t reach the 50.000 words within the month of November. This will not mean I’m planning on abruptly ending the story, if I actually like what I end up with, I’ll probably try to continue it ^^
Thing is: I’ve got all my course work now, and I realised I’ll be quite busy this month.

Now, what else is new?
Oh yeah, I’ve come out to my family! And I chose quite the modern approach. I updated my Facebook profile to say “likes men and women” xD Haha! So far, no one has commented, but seriously… I still count it as coming out. So that’ll be a milestone: Tuesday 9th of November!
What changed my mind to do this, you ask? Well, I’ve joined the University’s LGBTQ society (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transsexual Queer), and I’ve been well accepted here. And my friends don’t mind it, not even my new friends! (Well, as it turns out, quite a few of them are queer themselves xP) And I’ve made good friends within the society, and I just didn’t see the point in keeping it “hidden”. Besides, I live far away from home now, so they won’t be bothered by my sexuality even if I find myself a girl I fancy. Oh, and even one of the Norwegian girls is lesbian, and here and I have sort of connected and bonded over this common thing. We even went together to the Canal Street Trip with the LGBTQ Society! Canal Street is the main street of the “Gay Village” of Manchester. And we had HEAPS of fun!

Funz<3

Funz<3

Awsumz! :D

Awsumz! 😀

OMG Roofz! :O

OMG Roofz! :O

Seriously loved that ceiling! ❤

What else can I mention?

Oh yeah, there was a huge ruckus in town the day Adel and I went shopping!

Whoa!

Whoa!

All the people you see in this picture… They’re either in a line in or out of the bookstore.
Why? Katie Price =____=
Seriously…. seriously?! Come one?
1) Why would all these people want to see that woman? (Not to mention that most of them were women, and there was NO limits as to age. 10-100, not kidding!)
2) What the hell could Jordan write a book about? (Specially something THAT interesting..?)
3) Why the FUCK would she chose to come to Lancaster??? Off all the godforsaken places on earth, she wanted to come here… WTF? o_O

But, I suppose it was a good thing for me, though. As her apparance seemed to keep people out of the stores I wanted to go to, and I ended up finding an amazing outfit for the Canal Street Trip! :O

Heartz

Heartz

Thing is: it’s a dress. So that would mean me… in a dress…
O_O But…

Oh well, it went fine. I actually got a whole lot of compliments, which was nice.
I still have a love/hate relationship with it. I mean: there is SO MUCH DRESS! When sitting down, I had to pull the whole thing up and rest it in my lap. ONE COULD SEE NO LAP! :O Yet, it’s übercute and it’s from Hell Bunny<3

Hmmm… What else should I mention?

Did I say mum sent me a parcel? If not, SHE DID!
I don’t have too many pictures of what it contained, but here’s the parcel itself!

I <3z mum

I <3z mum

And some of the things I got was:

Bed sheets, covers and pillowcases
FREIA MELKESJOKOLADE (Norwegian chocolate)
Utensils
My pencil cases
My “Nightmare On Elm Street” box set ❤
Stationary
Oh, and these awesome boxes to store things in:

HELLO KITTY! <3

HELLO KITTY! ❤

They were sort of… folded. So I had to… unfold… them. Well, anyways, it didn’t take long, and they’re completely AWESOME! 😀 Mum’s cool.

But she did something a bit… uncool.
You know those advents calendars for kids? Usually you get those chocolate ones, right?
Well, mum gives me small presents for each day instead. Which is nice, except… SHE SENT THEM I OCTOBER!
Come on? How the hell am I supposed to wait one month and a week before I open my SEVENTEEN AWESOME PRESENTS?? :O The minute I spotted them, I had to force myself to hastily put them all in a bag, run into the hallway and ask the first person I could see it they could keep them. Which was David. And he could. And now I find myself constantly wanting to be nice to him! Hahaha ^^ Seriously, whenever I see him, my head goes “PRESENTS! Ask if he wants chocolate!” xD

Now, I don’t have much else to say, I think. So I’ll end with a badly taken picture of Adel, where she portrays her feelings for the people who waited in line to have their book signed by Katie “Jordan” Price:

*faints of frustration*

*faints of frustration*

She cries *sob*

Haha! Alright, see you all later, then!
Love and respect,

– L A ❤

This ain’t fair!

Posted: October 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’m ill!
I mean, I knew I had a cold when I left, and that it would probably get worse if I started drinking alcohol, but this is just too much! My temperature goes way high, then back down again, then way high, then back down again! It’s driving me crazy!

I’m missing out on so much fun because of this, and I feel really down because of it.
I want to hang out with my flatmates and have fun too! Not just clean up after them every day.
(How fucking hard can it be to put your stuff somewhere that’s NOT everyones space? -___-)
Anyways, I feel like I’m becoming the social outcast again. But I’ve decided that I don’t want to be that person anymore!
I came here for a reason! I wanted to start over!
It’s probably just me falling back into the same old, well-known pattern from before, so it is withing me the change lies.
I have decided that when I get back on my feet, no fever or such stupidities, I will go out and about again.
I will prove to both them and myself that there is more to me than what meets the eye!

Because when I’m with them, I feel like I could be part of the group.
(I just want to be included.)

Partay!

Partay!

What’s new since last time?
Well, I’ve met a whole bunch of new people, I’ve got myself a British number, and a new phone(BlackBerry Torch 😉 )!
I’ve cut Simons hair, and he says that he’s pleased. I don’t know if I believe him, but I’m sure I’ll get to know if he’s not telling the truth ^^

One of my flatmates just knocked on my door to see if I would want to come out and hang with the others.
So I’ll be leaving now 😀

Oh, and I’ll be having dinner with O C, Pia and Adel later on!
I’ll try and take pictures, just so that you can get a fair idea of who’s who ^^

HAVE FUN, KIDS!
– L A ❤

So, a new post every day is officcialy over xD But how about this: at least one each week?
Yeah, let’s keep it at that 😉

So, what’s new?
Well, I’ve been in Parga, Greece over this summer, which was fun.
A bit boring, of course, as this was the fourt year in a row I went there.

Mommy and me having fun <3

Mommy and me having fun ❤

And Ariana and I have been having fun on pilo! (Which is actually my phones way of writing “picnic” xD):

Pilo

Pilo

Can you tell we’re having fun? And look at how lovely the weather was! Dang, I’m gonna miss that girl!

Let me see… What else has been going on?
Oh yeah! School! I can’t remember what I last said about school, but now everything seems to be in order. Well, most of it.
I still need to get my student loan, but I have checked, and I know it’s been granted.
And I still haven’t applied for a Purple Card, but that’s because I still don’t have my address in England.
And I need to talk to my insurancecompany, to see what sort of insurance for students abroad they can provide me with.

But I have made a new friend! And she is so much like me! For instance, one of her nicknames is O C, she also loves serial killers, we both love art, we both put DNA in our own art, we are very alike when it comes to political views and of course, we share the interest in manga/anime/manhwa 🙂 Met her in real life for the first time last friday, but since it’s my birthday this friday(tomorrow), we can’t meet up untill next friday. I’m actually really looking forward to it, specially since she insist on us eating at her familys diner. Oh, did I mention she’s chinese? And I LOVE chinese food! A little worried though, she mentioned her mother coming from the Seichuan(??) province, and that this is where they supposedly eat the hottest meals in China. And I mean hot as in chili. Ouch, me and hot food… But I’ll work it out somehow 😉
It’ll be nice to come to her house and have fun together no matter the food. I love the company.
…How did we meet, you ask? Oooh, I forgot to mention this, did I not? Of course, O C and I will be attending the same school from this fall on. We’ll be studying at Lancaster University, where she will study “Peace studies and international relations” and I will be busy with my “Criminology with sociology”. We will stay at different colleges, but I really couldn’t care less. We’ll meet up anyways!

I will be leaving on September 30th, me and O C will take the 6:30 AM flight from Gardermoen in Oslo. And we and three others will stay in Manchester for a couple of days, before we head up north 🙂 GOD, I’m exited!
I’ll try to update a little more often from now on. Hopefully, it’ll be a new post up at least once a week from now on! 😀

– L A ❤